PETE AND BOOTS ANSON ROA, THE GIFTS OF FAMILY By Bunny Ortigas, Parents Magazine, 1994 Fifteen years ago, as a young girl, I had the privilege of meeting Boots Anson Roa, and immediately, I decided that I wanted to be like her. Today, as I prepare to become a mother like her, I am faced with adult questions. What does it take to be a good parent? What does one do in order to ensure that the children will grow up to be fine adults? What is parenting all about? Are there guidelines that can be followed? With what can a parent leave his children? On this fine morning, Boots shares with me, over a glass of orange juice, her ideas, beliefs, and experiences as a parent. Having been married for 30 years, and staying married through the ups and downs, having raised four children, two of whom have children of their own, she has a lot to share. How does Boots Anson-Roa define parenting? "It is loving and developing and enhancing the wholeness of the children's beings," she says. But she quickly adds, "We cannot sculp them according to what we want them to become because we have to respect their uniqueness." Every child is his own person and that the only primacy parents have over their children is age and experience. What parents can do is rear the child to have a sense of what is good and bad, right and wrong, and lead him closer to his goal. All these have to be within the framework of the child's personality and character. How does a parent love his children? For Boots, loving means thinking in terms of the betterment of the other person. Parents often say that they only want what's best for their children. How can a parent feel that what he thinks is best for the children really is what's best for them? Are there guidelines parents can follow in bringing up children? Yes, but they vary from one family to another. What is essential is that parent genuinely believes in his own set of guidelines. Pete and Boots Roa have some guidelines to share. "We went by what Kahlil Gibran wrote: while we may own our children's body, we don't own their souls," Boots begins. She goes on to say that "We have to let them be, at the same time guide them. That's why there were rules in the house but if we needed to bend them, we would, so long as we did not break them. And the kids knew that." A few times the children would ask why. The Roas would take turns explaining until the children were satisfied with the explanation. "You have to give yourself time to understand it a little more," Boots recalls telling the children. Another guideline that the Roas adhered to was teaching by example. "We believe the best way to teach is to be a role model to the children." Being public figures, the Roas had to juggle their time between work and family. But family always took precedence over anything. So much to that even in deciding which movie assignments to accept, Boots always took the children's thinking into consideration. "Will I allow my kids to watch it? If my answer is no, then I won't do it," she says. Never did she sacrifice family values for the chance at bigger stardom. "It's the price you have to pay. The demand for an actress will be around for as long as there is an audience but the 'person' will always be there for a lifetime," she philosophizes. The Roas also learned much from their parents. "I shied away from what I thought were my parents' mistakes, and tried to adopt the practices of Pete's parents," Boots says. Aside from that, Boots developed her own set of guidelines based on her readings in parenting, child-rearing and psychology. "I learned to encourage rather than discourage, to accentuate the positive and downplay the negative." Boots also taught her children the value of work and money. During the summer break, she would encourage them to do odd jobs and pay them. She would tell them that what they earned in experience was worth more than the money. Occasionally, she would, in her own words, "make life a little harder" for them to train them through life without luxury. But whenever possible, the Roas rewards their children's good work. Once the couple took their children on a trip to the United States. "We believe in the benefits of traveling and the learning's that the children will get from it," Boots says. To the Roas, it was also important that the children are able to make choices. "Even at an early age, we thought that it was an important for them to make their own choices, to make selections. Even in choosing clothes, for example. I would take them with me to the store and guide them. I discourage fads because after one month, they're out of style and your money has gone to waste," the mother explains. In choosing a career, the Roas gave their children enough freedom. After all is said and done, what is the best gift that a parent can give his children? Love, a good example, a good education, encouragement to the best he could be in relation to himself, to others and to God.